Forty-two attempts!

Well folks, I’m back with one more story. All characters and events depicted in this post are fictional, and any resemblance to persons living, dead, or fictional or situations past, present, or fictional is purely and completely coincidental.

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1.

All I can see is a white sheet of paper in front of me. For the first time ever, I was about to write a love letter. One hour had passed and I’m still not able to think anything. I never realized it could be such a Herculean task. Well, love stories never fascinated me on screen or in print. But it doesn’t mean that I cannot fall in love. And yes that’s what happened: I fell in love. But I never thought it’s after effects would be so tiresome and fatigued.

I never knew one day I would be sitting in front of my desk at night 1am and would be writing letter to my love Aarthi. When my friends used to write such things I used to say “That’s ridiculous”. But now I had to.

When I proposed to Aarthi, she flinched and asked me “What kind of proposal was that?” I thought I had done it in a romantic way, but later her expressions said it all. But now I’ve learnt my lesson. Let me tell you something, proposing a girl is like selling a product. Product should be good, if not, atleast packaging should be done neat and clean with lot of embellishments. Infact today Packaging is all that works. And of course, how you ‘sell’ your product is more important than the ‘product’ itself. But in my case, Product, packaging and selling were not good. Hence the question “What kind of proposal was that??”

“Uh... What else you expect me to do??” I had asked

“You come to me like a moron and say you love me, and you expect me to accept your proposal”? Just like that? “

“But Aarthi, I cannot do all those filmy things. It’s so yucky! Ok how about me getting you a Bourneville now?” I winked.

“Shut up! Ok atleast write me a love letter – on a sheet of paper.”

“What? Love letter? You must be kidding me. We are living in a digital world Aarthi, for heavens’ sake”

“Whatever, but I’m old fashioned you see.” She said and walked away smiling to herself.

I knew she was a pragmatic girl. But you see girl is a ‘girl’, a special kind of species with X chromosomes. That’s why all these nakhras. She was trying to be foolishly romantic. Anyways I had accepted the challenge. “You want me to write a love letter? Fine. It’s just a piece of cake on a piece of paper.” I had said to myself to boost my confidence.

2.

I saw the clock; it was half past one in the night. Blank sheet in front of me reflected the complete state of my mind. I went out to my balcony, and then came back. Threw my pen on the cot and got it back again. Went near the door and swiveled. Again came back to my table picking my pen up. I had to write it at any cost.

“Ok. Let’s do it!” I said that to no one in particular. Not even to myself. I was baffled and a confused soul.

“Dear Aarthi…” I wrote after five full minutes of contemplating.

“Goddamn it!” I cursed my self. “Dear Aarthi…” was way too formal. I crumpled the paper and threw it in the dustbin.

Then I thought “Dearest Aarthi…” and wrote it on the sheet of paper.

No way! Rule no 1: Never try too hard to please a girl. Be natural.

Then that sheet of paper too ended in the dustbin. I thought to myself and again wrote “Aarthi, my love”. Wasn’t that overly romantic? I didn’t really know. Without thinking much, I crumpled that paper and threw into the dustbin.

I was getting frustrated. Why don’t they accept the proposal just like that? I guess it’s one of the Rules of chicks ‘When a boy proposes to you, never accept it immediately’

Finally on a new sheet of paper I wrote, “My love”. This sounded better and I was finally convinced. Now I started writing the body of the letter.

“You are one of the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen…” I stopped writing and analyzed the sentence. No ways! Sheela was more beautiful than Aarthi. Love letter should always be honest. So I threw the paper again.

I changed the whole format I wrote “Dearest, Its not that I think you are the most beautiful girl in this world. There are certainly many babes around, but whenever I see you or talk to you or simply be with you or hear your voice or look at those beautiful eyes and many other things I can’t mention, my mind attains its state of tranquility. You are not the girl of my dreams, but the girl of my life, my reality”

After all these attempts I felicitated myself “wah! Splendid!” But soon I got skeptical. “There are certainly many babes around...?” No. What was I thinking? This wasn’t working out right. I again crumpled the paper and threw into the dustbin, Lebron James type. Wohoo!! It was a two pointer.

Three hours passed and dustbin was filling up. None of the letter was worthy enough to make it inside envelope. Finally even the envelope ended in the dustbin. I knew she too had feelings for me. But even she couldn’t have helped it I guess. She was bound by the rules.

I had given up. No more of this love letter business. It’s not my cup of tea. Then, I threw all my paper in dustbin and cleared the table. I was in deep somnolence and started walking back to my bed.

Suddenly something flashed to my mind, and I did the Unthinkable.

3.

Next day I got message from Aarthi that she would be arriving to my room at 6pm. I combed my hair, wore cologne, my favorite t-shirt and jeans, and waited for her with curbed breath. I knew she was going to blast me. But it didn’t matter to me because, I had tried my best, and this is all I can do.

The previous day, I had mailed her a package. I had decorated it with lot of embellishments too. And in it, were all the crumpled balls of paper – the proof of my futile attempts to write her a love letter. That was my idea of telling her that I had tried my best. I think probably no boy in this world has ever tried to do as crazy as a thing like this. Now which boy wants his girl to read the trial versions of his love letter?! Well, I was an exception. This would go down in the history of love letter writing, I was sure. An example of what a boy shouldn’t do – should never do.

I was about to be proved wrong.

Aarthi came to my room and didn’t utter a single word. In my attempt to impress her I had forgotten to clean my room. Clothes, DVDs, CDs, empty beer bottles, etc. everything were thrown around. My room was at its filthiest best.

I picked up my clothes and made some space for her. Then I went to pick up empty beer bottles and she stopped me “That’s alright.”

We sat diagonally opposite to each other. I knew she was furious for what I did “Listen Aarthi, I’m really sorry for what I did. I couldn’t think straight. You know I’m very straight guy… Damn! Of course I’m straight. I mean writing love letter is not of my type you know. I tried my level best. I know I’m not romantic enough to.. “

"Who said you are not romantic?” she said, cutting me off.

“Huh??” I was flabbergasted.

“You know, if you had written a flowery love letter for me, I would have surely puked.” She said.

“But… but you said me to write one!”

“Well, I was curious to know of course. Even if you’d told me directly that you were not going to try it, I’d not have bothered”

I arched my brows, I crinkled my eyes, I frowned, I smirked, I scratched my head – I was utterly baffled.

She giggled.

“Hmm… so you read all those I sent you? Please tell me you didn’t.” I finally said thinking by sending that package I did a big mistake.

“Yes, I read all the forty-two attempts.” She said and laughed.

Oh damn! What have I done?!

She moved closer to me and said “You know what; when one writes a love letter, his true feelings are manifested on those papers that end up in a wastebasket. The final edition is always sugary, but unfortunately, it isn’t sweet. It’s just a vague attempt to impress the reader. A girl like me can easily look through it. I am fortunate to have known what you really feel about me,” she stopped for a moment and then continued, “And I don’t think you’ll ever be able say those things you desperately tried to say in those letters. I am perfectly ok with it,” she said, ruffling my hair.

I sat there speechless. She smiled. And what a smile it was! Her full scarlet lips broke into a beautiful curve as a twinkle came into her forget-me-not eyes. It was similar to seeing a red rose blooming on an early dew-filled morning

Then she gave a winsome smile and asked me “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

I struck a pose by cradling my chin with my thumb and forefinger, and said, “Well, is it necessary?”

“Well, I think not,” she said and gave me a wink.

******************** The end *************************